Qada' dan Qadar Ku

For these past few months, my life was horribly terrible. 

I have to accept that, my marriage has come to an end. I have to accept that, I am such a failure to my child. I have failed to give her a normal and perfect family.

This divorce is killing me as I cannot stop feeling sorry for her. 

I am so weak and not strong enough to stand up for her.

I am sorry for being so selfish.

Somehow, I need to stand up for myself.

Words cannot really describe what I felt inside right now.

I turn on the radio, I turn on the tv but it seems did not hit the spot.

Tonight, as I keep searching for reducing this pain, Alhamdulillah. 

I will recover soon. 

I am truly sorry for taking him away from you for each meal, for each breakfast, for each lunchtime, and for our dinner as well as supper. Please do forgive me.

It's just that, I hate to keep the arguments forever, in front of you.

I hate to keep us waiting for him each Friday night.

I hate to think about how afraid I was to give you a brother or a sister.

I hate to see your eyes, staring at someone else's dad...thinking of where is yours.

I hate to think about giving him time to take us away.

I hate to live to wait for someone that took a very long time to keep his promises since you were born.

I am sorry for being such a horrible mom to you.

Maybe, this is my Qada' and Qadar.

Please forgive me someday.

BILA TIBA

Saat tiba nafas di hujung hela, mata tinggi tak sanggup bicara

mulut terkunci tanpa suara

bila tiba saat berganti dunia, 

alam yang sangat jauh berbeda.

siapkah kita menjawab semua pertanyaan

bila nafas akhir berhenti sudah, jantung hati pun tak berdaya

hanya menangis tanpa suara.

mati tak bisa untuk kau hindari, tak mungkin bisa engkau lari

ajalmu pasti menghampiri

mati tinggal menunggu saat nanti, ke mana kita bisa lari

kita pastikan mengalami mati

mati tinggal menunggu saat nanti, ke mana kita bisa lari

kita pastikan mengalami mati.

❤

https://ikimfm.my/perancangan-allah-itu-takdir/

Rapuh, opick.

detik waktu terus berjalan, berhias gelap dan terang...

suka dan duka, tangis dan tawa

tergores bagai lukisan.

seribu mimpi, berjuta sepi, 

hadir bagai teman sejati.

di antara lelahnya jiwa, dalam resah dan air mata

kupersembahkan kepada mu, 

yang terindah dalam hidupku.

meski ku rapuh dalam langkah

kadang tak setia kepada mu,

namun cinta dalam jiwa, hanyalah padamu.

maafkanlah bila hati tak sempurna mencintaiMu.

dalam dada kuharap hanya, diriMu yang bertakhta.

maafkanlah bila hati tak sempurna mencintaiMu.

dalam dada kuharap hanya, diriMu yang bertakhta.

detik waktu terus berlalu, semua berakhir padaMu.

...

Wallahua'lam.

....

❤