In the name of Allah s.w.t.
Hey there. So, it is 150 days of being a nursing mom and I am losing my ability to take control over myself in this 'mother-child once in a lifetime' journey.
What does it really looks like to be a nursing mom for these past 150 days? I'll tell you later.
First of all, I wanted to remind myself that, some kids were very excited to receive gifts like toys, such as the Hot Wheels toy car, bicycles, scooters, balloons, a set of cooking toys, a set of hair and beauty kit, a Barbie, a set of a dolls, playhouse, a doll, music toys, and so on. For a kid like me, (yes, I'm still consider myself as a kid anyway - never tired of being a kid actually), books seem to be the best gift ever - including the joy of roller blading and ice skating, of course.
So here, I wanted to address that, all kids were not the same, some enjoys toys, and some of them may enjoy story books and so on. Never forget that, some kids do enjoy Maths and some kids extremely die for History class like me, yeah, just like me. The joy of reading will never end.
Being a mom is a no joke. It is the biggest deal and as long as I can say that I am never expected to be a mom someday, well, here I am. 150 days of being a mom, the biggest gift I had ever received and it doesn't really come in a nice packaging - ribbons, wrapping paper...a memorable gift card, is breastfeeding. Have you ever seen a kid, got excited to receive his or her dream toys ever, unwrapping the gift with the hope inside their innocent heart and it turns out to be the gift that she ever wanted?
(Imagine the face of happiness when
Alex got his remote control toy car in Home Alone 3 and
how hard he plays with it,
be creative with it with the whole video camera,
and...remember his face when the car
was being destroyed
and...in the last scene, it had been replace with a new one.)
So yeah, that moment of Alex enjoying his remote control car, describe a lot about the joy of breastfeeding from my point of view. It's like, nobody can mess with my remote control car especially when I modified it with those video camera thing. No one and nobody.
...and thats why, I am so proud to brag about my breastfeeding journey even it wasn't really easy as it looks like to actually 'play' with it.
Last couple days, I accidentally hit this video on You Tube and whenever someone asked me "You breastfeed your child?", I smile and I said, "Yes, I am." I don't know how to explain it. It's a proud smile, as well as, a bitter smile, a proud emotion, a guilty emotion, a painful emotion, a happy emotion, a 'please don't ask' emotion, a 'oh, I did breastfed my kid as well' emotion, a 'oh for how long did you nurse your child' emotion, a 'you don't know how does it really feels when you said you have low milk supply' emotion, a 'yeah, breastmilk is free right' emotion, a 'wow, she seems healthy' emotion, all emotions were sort of mixed up, in just a simple question. It's like deciding to take the roller coaster ride, sit in it, praying that you'll never fall, screaming the way ups and downs, and finally, you are safe and hoping that someone doesn't accidentally push the start button while you were unfastening the seat belts cause you weren't ready to ride it again, looking yourself in that ugly or cute candid pictures, and you want to ride it again just to look good in the picture, but it's getting late and you have to enjoy another ride cause you paid for the whole games in the amusement park and you were leaving it with a sad feeling that this is the only happiness I would ever have but then, you find it you are actually tired and before you went to bed, you whispered to yourself, it was the best day ever!...and the next day, you start with school again and you just forgot about what happened last weekend, and the next month you went to the zoo, same exciting experience, and the next day...(I should stop, rite?)
"...no you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright,
you don't know what it's like, to be like me." - Welcome to My Life, Simple Plan.
and...another one,
....
So these two emotional videos exactly describe my 150 days of being a nursing mom. The anxiety, the nervous of being in public, the 'how can I breastfeed in this cafe or restaurant', the 'geez, so many eyes in here'...the isolation, not to mention. I'm already dead for these past 150 days. So, breastmilk is free, huh? I smirk.
150 days, of being a nursing mom is...
like, winning an Oscar award and saying, 'thanks for supporting me...blah blah you probably don't wanna to hear it anyway', kissing the trophy, smile and hold it with proud, and you don't want to leave the stage but you have to...
Baby Room or in my local town, in the famous shopping centre Mahkota Parade, Melaka, Malaysia they manage to put a sign of 'Mothers Room' and I feel so proud as a mom, that I will visited the room for like two times in a visit there, cause it is so overwhelm that I really enjoy our nursing moment. 150 days of a nursing mom, I thank whoever fight for making a space for nursing mom since my baby girl now seems enjoying her milk with her hand reaching for my face and all that 'hey I had a hand that can touch, super cool, mom, did you see it, I grab your face and your shirt and oh hey, I heard someone talking and crying...I am not crying, who is it?'.
So, I am comfortable nursing her in such a little private space. 30 to 60 days, I managed to breastfeed in public places with the nursing cover (I'm a Muslim so, nursing cover is a must) since she seems focusing on her milk instead of the world around her but now, she's more enjoying the steering wheel, the trees, the windows and even the birds chirping. HAHA...and the funny thing is, I nursed her once in the surau in a petrol station, she looks at a lady there, and the lady said "okay dear, I turn around so that you will not see me. Enjoy your milk, honey." My daughter started to enjoy her milk while the lady continue doing her make up things and when she's done, the lady greet her again, and she smile! HAHAHAHAHA. The lady was like, "Oh, now you have your milk, and you smile, such a cute baby." LOL. Then, we said goodbye to each other and I said, "till we meet again". Happy and feeling supported, and...(Finally, the guilt of my baby refuse to smile and interact cause she's hungry and sleepy was over.)
So cool to have someone to talk to, in the same situation, in the same spot, rite?
Goodnite angels.